Final Fantasy:Cypress Chronicles
by ZarkrontheConquerer
Summary: A spoof of the game that I did while I was bored and I hope is funny.Rnr please!Rating for drug references


Lalala disclaimer I don't own Crystal Chronicles or Final Fantasy or basically anything that's remotely smart in here most likely

Yeah this basically came to me due to extreme boredom and the discovery channel.  Note: Some of the words might be different because in the original version I had all my friends names in here

Final Fantasy:The Cypress Chronicles  
  
There is a world much like our own.  Actually no, it sucks.  This world is plagued by a horrible curse called alcoholiasma.  This alcoholiasma is a poisonous gas that coats the world.  It can be identified by a whispering of barn animal noises and if it envelopes you, you will feel an immediate desire to fall in a gutter and twitch.  The only counteraction to this is the force that radiates from the Cypress Trees.  
The spOoOoOky powers of the Cypress Trees can hold the deadly alcoholiasma at bay.  But the Cypress Trees lose their aura after a year.  So every year each village sends out a group of young losers and gives them a fancy name so they feel important, "The Cypress Caravaners".  These caravanners criss cross the amazingly tiny section of the world the game is based in and because there is no time limit, they can take as long as they want looking for the sacred "Bubbling Pots" to collect drops of "Drug Stew" that will reenergize the Cypress Trees and keep them twiggin yo.  Each caravan is given a special chalice (kindergarteners clay pots)with a twig of the Cypress Tree to create an aura to protect the caravanners.  
In this screwed up land which we will call "Zarkrons Closet" there are four main races, the Dirtmonger, the Pothead, the Cheepskate, and the Metalthing.  
The Dirtmonger-Average, plain, boring people who like nothing more than digging in the dirt and planting their "special gardens "if you know what I mean.  
The Pothead-Annoying, loud, and aggressive short little things that somehow ruled the closet a heck of a long time ago.  
The Cheepskate-Strange water animals turned into lying, cheating, cheap people that are basically hated possibly because they don't fit on crackers anymore  
The Metalthing-All spooky and mysterious, these things are basically made of metal and ugly robes. Methinks they're a race of deformed crows...  
The closet has a number of different lands, each with different locations and historys ((wow that sounded intelligent)).The Potheads main fortress(Alf City) was located in the area called The Valley of Abercrombie and they had another main outpost called Mickey Mouse's Pass in the Ikon Mine Downs.  The southern part of the world consists of the Top Hat Peninsula, the Karp Island, and the Loopy Islands, home of the Cheepskates.  In the north is the land of the Metalthings known as Ri Cola and the capital of Timmy.  To the west is a large boring flat area that called the Plains of Dumb suits its boring flat people, the Dirtmongers who farm continuously and cannot catch thieves.  
Throughout the dungeons in Zarkrons closet there are mystical Magiplops.  These magic blobs can give you mystical powers to attack monsters.  
The Lands of Zarkrons Closet  
Top Hat Peninsula-The Top Hat Peninsula reaches into the Star Fruit Seas.  At its very bottom is a tiny village known as LittleTownontheTopHatPeninsula.  The Top Hat Peninsula has two dungeons, River Brady Path and Gremlin Wall National Park.  River Brady Path is a one time nice road along a pretty river but no more due to the Rendering Plant nearby.  The Giant Crab guards the Bubbling Pot and gets cranky if anyone tries to take its drugs.  Gremlin Wall National Park is the conservatory for Gremlins set up by the government.  The Gremlins get pretty mad if you trespass so watch out if they carry you to their overlord.

Seperating each landmass in Zarkrons Closet are the Beer Streams.  This is where the alcoholiasma collects in large swirly streams that kill off large stretches of land and make creepy forest things.  Each stream(there are 5 in total)are ruled by a different element; dirty, wet, hot, blowy and one other mysterioustical((it's a word, I swear!)) one.  To pass through, the twig protecting you must be aligned with that element other wise you get thrown into one of those weird trees that somehow survive when surrounded by concentrated alcoholiasma.  
Lands of Zarkrons Closet  
The next land your caravan will come to is the Ikon Mine Downs.  This low lying area was once a bustling part of the Potheads drug empire.  At the center is Mickey Mouse's Pass, once a huge trade town at the fork of the roads.  Mickey Mouse's Pass is famous for its barbequers, who have set a record of roasting a cow and 2 chickens in only 5 minutes.  There is also a ferry across the JugofBooze River to the Plains of Dumb but the ferryman is a stingy old crank who overcharges.  To the south near the alcoholiasma stream is the Mushbowl Forest, the source of the Potheads economy.  There's an ugly mushroom power sucking thing that you have to kill to get to the Bubbling Pot.  North is the Mind of Catherine.  Who Catherine is nobody knows but its full of dark scary things but at least there's lots of fire.  The Bubbling Pot is guarded by a weird masochistic ogre.  
The lands of Zarkrons closet are inhabited by many monsters after the coming of the alcoholiasma.  But one race of monsters that isn't evil is the Smoogle.  The Smoogle is a fuzzy happy little monster that lives in dirty holes all over Zarkrons Closet.  The Smoogle often helps out caravanners by carrying their chalices or providing ambient rapping.  
Lands of Zarkrons Closet  
Valley of Abercrombie-The Valley of Abercrombie is home to the former capital of the Pothead world: Alf City.  Alf City is still a large city but you can stupidly only go to a small part due to the annoying guards. To the west is the mansion of Jack and Maggie Muffin.  The Muffin Manor contains a Bubbling Pot, but it is in the back of the Muffins "magic garden" so you'll have to fight their cooks and them to get to it.  Up north is the former village of Toupee, a depressingly dreary place that was overrun by alcoholiasma after their caravan didn't return. Now all that is left of the once happy village are empty ruins with gutters filled with skeletons and vodka bottles and one house in particular is pissed off.

Long ago there a strange village know as Mops Mall.  This was the village of the first residents of Zarkrons Closet.  The first Potheads, the first Cheepskates, the first Dirtmongers, and the first Metalthings.  In the beginning the tribes all lived in harmony in Mops Mall.  This time was known as the Shiny Age.  But with the coming of the alcoholiasma they were forced from their happy home and Mops Mall faded into legend.  The tribes forgot their past friendships and bitter rivalries grew between them.  The tribes claimed lands of their own and were divided in the fight against miasma.  Once, a group of misled people tried to revive the Shiny Age and build a massive citadel known as Rebena Te Vhris but their attempt failed and they now haunt the place.  
Land of Zarkrons Closet  
Ri Cola-The land of the Metalthings, who long ago founded the city of Timmy as a center for their learning and magic and hoarding useless information.  With that mounds of crap came the idea for the Ri Cola sluice.  The Metalthings built a huge sluice to transfer water from Lake Timmy into the JugofBooze Creek, which turned it into a huge river.  The river provided water to the Plains of Dumb so the Dirtmongers didnt have to carry water in buckets all the time.  
Lands of Zarkrons Closet-The Plains of Dumb are a large flat area west of the JugofBooze River.  It is the home of the Dirtmongers who farm it continuously in an attempt to get some drugs worthy of competing with the Muffin Manor ones.  To the south is the Slappypatience Cave, where all mosquitos are born.  You must fight your way through masses of bugs and standing water to the Bubbling Pot which is guarded by the Worm that is not a Worm.  Up in the northwest is Jesters Court.  Fight through the evil clowns and dead clowns and finally the Clown Dragon King who guards the Bubbling Pot.  
Southern Islands-The two chains of Islands are the Karp Islands, which are home to the huge Karp volcano.  The Karp Volcano has a Bubbling Pot guarded by fearsome BLOT creatures and the Scrap Heap Giant.  The Loony Islands are further to the west and host the giant Loony Desert along with Spooda the home of the Cheepskates.  The Cheepskates made Spooda their home after a long search when they were driven from Mops Mall so long ago.  They will steal when they want to.  The Loony Desert is big and hot with lots of ugly things to poisen you and leave you dying.  The Bubbling Pot is guarded by a really big scorpion.  Rumor has it the desert holds another secretwink wink nudge nudge

And that's it for my spoofyness, if anybody has any idea on something I missed or should put in I'll be adding an extras chapter if I get enough!


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